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Life - The Grand Mystery...

Life...I am alive...I think…

But why am I still here?

I shouldn't be under 21 living in fear

Of being another statistic, deceased

Due to the lead pellet released

From the glock of a house nigga on my block,

Or more likely, from the club blows of a demon-bred cop

Who despises the melanin?

Endowed skin I reside in.

I don't want to sport a premature bullet wound at my wake.

I'd rather be able to make

Something of my life other

Than be a statistic, maybe be a father.

Father...

I just dare him to come around.

Right, I'd recognize him if he rolled into town,

Since I've always seen his face.

I know his name and the place

Where he now dwells. At times, I truly strife

Trying to think of what I'd do if he stepped back into my life.

Would I emancipate my suppressed

Anger, that has accumulated in my short lifetime of stress,

Augmented by the sight of the pseudo-man's face?

Would I set it on him and then raze and ransack the surrounding place?

Or maybe just tell him that to me, he is merely a head and tail.

I neither knew, nor loved him since the time he bailed.

I don't even care about the child support he failed to pay;

If he were to leave again, and I know he would, I wouldn't stand in his way:

NO, Sir.

Sir...

That rhymes with "Her".

The opposite sex is what I could never figure.

One day she calls me a dog and talks me down;

Next week she asks why I no longer come around.

Then when I do come around, she laughs in my face and calls me a dreamer.

To get with her, I gotta have a Lex Coupe and a Beamer.

So I say forget it, dismiss her as a car-hopper,

But when she makes another pass, you notice I don't stop her.

Once I'm back "under her spell", she pulls my strings

In an attempt to make me do the stupidest things

For her, and I always fall for that game.

I just tell her that she should be ashamed

Of herself to immaturely think that

I would do anything she says because she offers a cat.

So I drop her again, I’m not falling for that,

That mess,

And as she starts to obsess, though she won't confess

That the reason for her sweating me isn’t because my company's a treat.

I'm no longer a person to her; now she's a predator out for meat.

She is now a true chicken-head. She is willing to do and say

Anything to get a hit, but I ain't fast food, and she can't have it her

way.

Her way...

Jahveh. Jehovah. Allah...

Man has called Him everything from Zeus to Ra,

Not knowing that His name is just a congregation of letters.

As long as I'm with Him, He'll soon make my life better.

For He has carried out the duties of father

When my biologically bound one didn't bother.

He keeps me alive

So that I can be taught how to strive

For all that are mine and all that is right.

When I think all is lost in darkness, He exhibits His Light.

He is all that keeps me optimistic during my daily strifes.

He is the sole reason why I still take in the breath of life.

Life... I am alive...

But why am I still here?.....

That is still a question, I've yet to answer, my dear.......

As Time Goes By

Five months.
Hmm.
A fraction of my short life,
Yet the best.
Five months.
So long ago,
But just yesterday
I met you.
Why does time have to fly
When you're having fun,
Especially when
Your time is not done?
Why did we have to end?
We did,
But never will.
And I will always wait,
Even thought, even still
You say don't.
I don't care what they say.
I don't care what they think.
This will try all my faith,
Drive me insane,
Give me grief.
But I know I will make it through,
Just because I love you,
And your love has given me
Your strength.

(Not Sure What to Call This...)

I fight, with myself in the ring of doubt and fear

The rain is gone, but I still can’t see clear

I've lived and I've learned, I have taken and I've earned

I have laughed, I've cried

I have failed and I have tried

Through sunshine, and through pouring rain

But I still haven’t found joy through all my pain

So many people have given themselves a title

That their actions didn't earn

My ignorance is in the same breath as my innocence

Subconsciously, seeking to find an impressionable mind to convince

I've finally come to the realization why I’m in the worse place

Because it's hard to correct yourself when you don't know

Who you are in the first place

Cause my split personality is having an identity crisis

Hearing voices in my head while these whispers echo

Maybe one day I can work it out

Strive to understand what life's about

All it seems to be is sadness and pain

Blood like rain clogs urban drains

When will I realize and make the change

And take the blame, erase the shame

Now I can't stress this enough, life sure is rough

You got to go through a whole lot of it

Just for you to get a little bit

The Art of Lonely

It's weird how you don't have to ask
no one to be with you
And it's strange how you can trust
no one with all your deepest thoughts
The only real problem with no one
Is that they don't exist

Zip up your smile
And pretend to be happy for awhile
It's time to show your head
Around people who could care less if you're alive
Or dead

People may say I'm lazy as a cat
But I would be just as excited as a cat who sees a rat's ass
If I saw that someone really gave one

Life is mostly a social game
And you should learn to play it
Just know that when you mean something
You usually shouldn't say it
Remember that the happier you pretend to be
The more friendly faces you will see

The Reality rammed me
Like a roving Russian resupply rocket
That the parts of life that weren't so cruddy
Were the parts I really had a buddy

I'm Not A Star...

Here's an interesting pondering: How can there be any any meaning attributed to life, since there is no eternal return? Depending on what you believe or what faith you claim, if man only has the opportunity to try one path, to make one decision, and he cannot return to take a different path, and then compare the two lives. how can we truly find meaning? How do you know that the choices you made today were truly the right ones if there is nothing to compare it to?

Where meaning should exist we find only an unbearable weightlessness. The uncertain existence of meaning...So we acccept the lightness of being; accepting a certain lack of ultimate meaning in life, and living for momentary beauty. But is that enough? Those that have made peace with this certain reality are not even necessarily happy or fulfilled or sure of their life choices.